dreams

There are so many new and wonderful and crazy things happening recently. Sometimes I wonder if the life I am living is actually real, if it is even my life. Sometimes it feels like a dream even when I know it is my reality. I am not one to have dreams that often but when I do have them every once in a while they seem so real when I wake up I sometimes wonder if they happened. A lot of the time I wish they had.

Then there are those dreams that I secretly wish would have happened or want to happen, just because I assume it is my subconscious trying to tell me how I really feel. And it is those dreams, the "would-be reality" dreams, that feel more like nightmares. Sometimes I wake up after what was a perfect dream and I just feel completely sick to my stomach.

The reason i am writing about this is because the past 5 months I have been having lots of those mornings where I step into my reality each morning feeling a lot like puking my guts out. Disgusting I know, but nevertheless very true. I try not to think too much about what these dreams mean. I know they probably mean nothing. I still can't help but wonder why the beautiful nightmares though. There is a Feist song that reminds me of this situation. It's called "The Park" and it goes like this:

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you

With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past

The past
The past
Turns whole to half
The past

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you
From knowing the truth

Why would you think your boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one?

The one
My one
My one