TrUE

So it is currently 2:30 in the morning and I really should be sleeping but I am finding my self too deep in thought to really put my mind to rest just yet. I just got back from seeing the midnight showing of Letters to Juliet with Aubrey and Madison. It got me thinking about what true love truly is.
I would like to think that I've been in love, but when I really start to think about it I wonder if I know anything about love at all. And when I do think of it that way, I tend to think I do not. By this I mean that my life experiences as of yet have not caused me to feel that deeply....I don't feel like anything I've ever shared, be it love or not, has ever really been true. Although I have not experienced this magic in my own life I would like to believe that I have learned of it from the many examples around me.
I see it in the way my parents gaze at each other...as if no one could ever love the way they do. I see it in the way my grandma will eat a hamburger without the salt because my grandpa is no longer able to with his cancer...and if you knew my grandma (or Utahans for that matter), you would understand. I see it in the clasped hands of a couple whose hands have long been wrinkled. I see it in the pages of my Nicolas Sparks books, and on the big screen in the cheesy chick flicks that I love. And these small moments and memories that I now carry with me, have taught me that true love exists.
It really makes me sad that we live in such a cynical world, that we believe that one bad experience holds true for every experience we will ever have. I am guilty of it. It seems quite ironic that it's easier to dwell on something that makes you feel so terrible inside rather than to hope for something that could be absolutely beautiful, and far more wonderful than the pain we feel at the current moment. I wonder about that. I have said myself that, "it is easier to hold onto memories than to hope for a future that I cannot have or predict." The human heart is strange that way. I may never understand it.
Besides the movie there is a song that got me thinking about all of this. It's "Let it Die" by Feist. It's one of my favorites. It's a song about the heartbroken. A song that I can relate to in many ways. My favorite lyrics go as follows, "The saddest part or a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start." My friend asked me tonight what that meant. I told her that I thought it meant that when you get your heart broken, the sad part isn't that what you had was over, is that you let yourself fall in love in the first place. It's as if you in a way broke your own heart. But to me that doesn't seem fair...however true it may be. It's stupid though, because you could of course save yourself from ever getting your heart broken by never falling in love...but then you never get to fall in love.
So what do I know about true love? Well I know for one thing that it's true. I don't think it's as corny as in the movies or songs or books that I love. I know it's hard, but I know it's worth it. If true love is true, there is no need to be cynical or to dwell on a broken heart, well because it's true. I suppose I don't make much sense at 2:30 in the morning...now 3:00. But it's just a thought. When I think of a broken heart I think...If my heart has loved once, it is definitely most capable to love again, and even more deeply than before.

Wisdom Teeth

This past week I had my wisdom teeth removed. Everything went great! I am yet to have any strange or abnormal side-effects. I did experience very puffy cheeks and my mother was persistent in taking several pictures. They are ugly indeed but sorta funny. Below is a picture of my enormous bruise that I got from the IV. This picture does it no justice at all. It really is huge and it changes colors every day. So far it's been purple, green, yellow and blue. It's so fun, I love it!

This is my Mom's favorite picture. This is the 3rd day after the surgery. I was pretty swollen soI had to ice my cheeks. Hence the redness. The stink eye is for my mom taking a nast picture of me, and the hair was not washed for probably a few days.

How PRETTY!

So Long P-TOWN!

After my dear friends Katy and Haley left me all alone in Provo, I was pretty much over the mixed feelings stage and ready to get myself out of Provo. I just had a few more finals and packing to do. And then after that, it wasn't long till I said goodbye to Heritage forever! I was sad indeed. All the decorations have been saved though, and the memories are forever in my heart :)

So here is a picture of our desk. A mess as usual. We had a collection of pictures, quotes, notes and of course the goldfish card collectibles.

Here is my favorite collection we started. Before Christmas break, me and Katy had a water bottle filled with trash and other random things hanging from our light. We had filled it over a few days and decided it would make a nice decoration. When we got back from break we discovered that it was gone! Our mean Hall Advisor went and took it down because it was a "fire hazard". I guess she didn't find our matches ;) So about a month before school ended we thought it would be nice to leave her another present. We started filling this water bottle with chewed gum. The day before I left I filled it with some sweedish fish (our favorite) and some of Katy's nasty vitamin C pills she was always trying to get me to eat. And that is the story of our bottle. Some say it's gross...we call it art.

Okay so for whatever reason, this picture is sideways and there it won't let me do anything about it. Oh well. So here is mine and Katy's door. It has inspirational quotes and scriptures that help us to remember to face our day with a smile and with courage. I looked at it every day before I left and it always made me happy. It reminds me that I can go out and make change, even if it is as small as having a better attitude. I love it!

This is the outside of our door. It is sad to think that I will never again enter into the magical room of Marmal and Katers. It's magical because of all the wonderful memories it holds. From the first night we bonded in Asian Aerobics, to the last time we hugged and cried. There were many snores, farts, laughs and soo many good times. I will never forget all the wonderful things that happened to me in this room.

Hiking the Y

For anyone who has hiked Y mount in Provo, they will understand what a challenge it is. The whole thing is not very exciting, but it's nice to hike it so you can say that you hiked "the Y" at least once in your life. I figured as a BYU student I probably should add that to my bucket list. Lucky for me, my Bishop in the summer decided that we should all go as a ward to watch sunrise and then have a testimony meeting at the top. Sounded great! Little did I know how steep the hike is and how cold it would be. I had also had my first day of geology before that, where we hiked Rock Canyon for 6 hours...so I was a little sore. Nevertheless me and my wonderful roommate Brittany woke up at 4:30 in the AM to go on this adventure. We didn't bring any water, which was our first mistake...anyway we made it to the top. After that experience I pretty much decided that I would never do it again. It was something that I would be proud to say that I only did once.

So as it would turn out one of my roommates in the fall, Elyse, had never hiked it. My other roommates insisted that she do it so she could say she did. They tricked me into doing it too. It wasn't all that bad. I was more mentally prepared for the feat that I was about to face this time. It turned out to be a beautiful sunny day in Provo. Below is a picture of me and my fellow Bowen 12 roomies. The picture says it all. (Elyse, Heather, Me, Robin)

We're so freaking hot. Even after we hiked the Mount!

Here's me and Heetherrr. She is my fellow San Diegan and wonderful roommate. I love her!

This was my hiking partner. Her name is Bobean. She is a special one indeed. We formed the most special friendship during our time together. I look forward to getting to see her again soon. She not only hikes with me, she watches great TV, and laughs at my stupid jokes and stories...always a plus :)

updates

I haven't written in a while because things have been sorta crazy. There were finals and then moving and I just didn't have time. There are several things that I thought about writing but never got around to it. So I am going to try and make a bunch of posts real quick. Starting with my last few weeks in Bowen 12 at BYU and all the way down to being back home in beautiful San Diego!