I realize that I still haven’t written James’s birth story.
For those who are reading this, I am warning that I may include some unpleasant
details. Birth is unpleasant, so you can deal with it.
May 25th we were at my grandma’s house for Sunday dinner. It also happened to be my grandpa’s birthday so we were celebrating that too. Not too long after we sang and had cake, around 8:30 PM, we were sitting around the table when I felt a gush down where the sun don’t shine. I became super embarrassed because I wondered if I peed my pants—that had happened one too many times in my late pregnancy. Rhett looks at me and asked if I was hot because my face was so red. I said, “Nope I am fine” and got up and directed to him to follow me. I went to the bathroom while Rhett waited outside the door and he said are you still peeing? I said, “no…I don’t think so…I think my water broke!” He said, “Are you sure?” To which I replied, “I can’t make it stop!” At that point we decided we better go to the hospital. Luckily we were at Grandma Tami’s and so I borrowed one of Tarese’s heavy-duty diapers! That was possibly the most exciting part of the night.
Before we went to the hospital we were about 98% sure my water had broke so we decided to go home and pack up. Rhett was in a serious panic running around the house like a headless chicken. I was stoked and calm. I showered and carefully gathered everything I thought I might want at the hospital. Rhett kept trying to rush me…he was a little excited I think. I told him we have 24 hours for this baby to come I am going to get pretty!
On our way to the hospital, Rhett realized that he needed to drop off his work phone. We met one of his coworkers in a hotel parking lot off the freeway. While Rhett was outside the car I realized the diaper I had on was not going to hold….I was seriously shocked at how much water was in there! I scream to Rhett, “I am going to leak on the seats!” He comes running back and finds a towel in the trunk. I shoved it between my legs and we got on our way to Riverton.
On the drive to the hospital Rhett and I kept talking about how this was going to be the last time we would have alone for the rest of eternity. I was so excited, but starting to feel a little anxious about becoming a mom and leaving young married life behind. When we got to the hospital we laughed as I waddled with the towel between my legs. I think it is funny that you still have to get tested for your water breaking even if you have a towel between your legs.
They put me in a triage room and told me to put on a gown and they would come test my water in a few minutes. I tried my hardest not to make a mess of everything, but it was hopeless. I laid on the table and when the nurse came to check I gushed all over her. I apologized and she said, “honey this is not the worst thing I have had on my hands.” Gross. So believe it or not we got admitted around 11:00 PM. They hooked me up to monitors and IVs and the party began! I got to see my contractions on the screen and I was feeling like a champ because I couldn’t feel them. About an hour passed and I started to feel crampy, but nothing worse than a period. The nurse checked me and said I was at a 4. I was like woohoo I am getting an epidural at 5…labor like this will be a piece of cake! Rhett and I watched Easy A and drank slushies and I was pretty excited for the baby to come. I thought this is going to be a party!
Then came the news. The nurse comes in with a very serious look and says, “do you know you have low platelets?” My doctor had told me I had low platelets at one of my appointments several weeks before, and she said that they would test again before the baby came….well they never tested again so I forgot all about it. The nurse explained that if my platelets were below 80 I could not get an epidural and I was currently at 79. She said she would have the anesthesiologist come talk to us to get his opinion. I was not prepared for any other delivery method. I asked the nurse what the alternative to an epidural was and she said nothing. The drugs they had been giving me would have to be cut off because they make the baby “sleepy”. I started to feel a little panicked. I still had hope though that it would all go according to plan. The anesthesiologist came in and explained that if my platelets were too low I would not clot and could have internal bleeding on my spine. A hematoma on the spine could cause me to be permanently paralyzed. He explained his cut off was strict and he would not give me an epidural in my current condition. He said they would test again when I felt I wanted an epidural and see if there was a change, though a change was not likely. I began to feel a lot of pain. I decided to get tested again. Just my luck my platelets had gone down to 77. I was not going to get an epidural. It was around 3 AM at this point and I was at a 6. Let me tell you 6 does not feel good. The contractions were still a few minutes apart so I had some relief. I called my mom and cried and cried. I told her and Rhett that I couldn’t do it, I was scared…petrified really.
During my meltdown I realized there was nothing I could do. I would have to deliver the hard way. I bucked up, told myself I could do it, and put on a brave face. My nurse Betsy was amazing. She gave me a little pep talk about my body and how it knew what to do even if I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared. She told me I could do it. I said about 100 prayers at this point that it would be quick, that I could have courage and faith in myself. Rhett frantically read a little pamphlet about natural birthing coping mechanisms. We tried a ball, we tried walking, massages. Everything still felt like crap. It’s impossible to cope with birthing pains let me tell you. This is when it began to be really hard. I started throwing up from the pain. It was ugly.
The next few hours were the longest of my life. I tried to remain calm, take deep breaths through the contractions…and I was terrified for what was next. Labor pain is exponential. A 7 feels 10 times worse than a 6. An 8 feels 100 times worse than that and so on. I was at a 7 around 5 AM and I closed my eyes and gripped the bed and prayed a 10 would come soon. All of the sudden, I felt the urge to pee like I had never before in my life. I ran to the bathroom and tried my hardest to pee with no success. I began to cry because the urge was so strong and so painful and I could not relieve it. I told Rhett to call the nurse. She came in and checked me and I was at an 8, oh and lucky me the baby was on my bladder…which is what caused the insane pee urge. She said it would not go away until I delivered. The next two hours were excruciating. The contractions were so intense that my body would convulse when they came. I had to scream at myself not to push. The urge to push was like nothing I have ever felt. Rhett began to apply counter pressure, which seemed to help a little. He helped me remember to take deep breaths and relax. I kept asking him to call the nurse to check me because I wanted to push so bad. She came and said I was at an 8.5….I wanted to die. In 30 minutes I had barely progressed. The contractions were about 30 seconds to a minute apart at this point. It’s totally insane, I will not try to say it isn’t. She left and I kept yelling to myself don’t push, don’t push! For those of you who don’t know, if you push before you are fully dilated you risk the baby getting stuck, losing oxygen and having to get a C-section. I was not going to get a C-section so I resisted as best I could. Around 6:30 I was having contractions so strong that my body was pushing without me being able to control it. I begged Rhett for the millionth time to get the nurse. This time he agreed instead of saying, “just a little longer honey.” She came and quickly checked me in the 30 seconds I wasn’t having a contraction. She then said the most blessed words, “you are complete. I will get the doctor. Prepare to push!” I felt so much relief knowing that I could finally push.
Because it was the weekend, I had the doctor on call rather than my doctor. I honestly did not care at that point if a dog caught the baby. I just wanted him out. I wanted to push. They broke the bed and Rhett and Betsy pushed my legs to my face…so glorious. Betsy said hold your breath and push when you feel a contraction….which is funny because I couldn't tell when I wasn’t having a contraction. I said, “I don’t know when” and she said, “if you feel like you want to push, push!” So I just pushed and pushed…holy cow it is exhausting, but it felt surprisingly amazing. For the first time in hours I felt relief. Rhett says I screamed the baby out. It was just like the movies. I screamed loud. The doctor was so sweet, he explained everything that was happening and would talk in such a gentle soothing voice. It was kinda funny how peaceful he was among all the commotion. After 20 minutes of pushing, baby finally made his appearance. 6:59 AM on May 26th, I became a mommy.
The first moment I saw him was not at all like I imagined. I didn’t feel like it was as if the heavens had opened and poured insane amounts of love over me for this new thing. I mostly felt super shocked. It was very exciting and happy obviously, but also very surreal. I kept saying over and over “Rhett that’s our baby! He’s my baby” Lots of oh my goshes as well. I was too excited to cry I just wanted to hold him. The doctor asked Rhett if he wanted to cut the cord and Rhett quickly said no. The doctor sniped him, wiped the crap out of him and then the nurse pulled open my gown and dropped him on me for “skin to skin”. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this, because it seemed weird and gross to me. Let me tell you though if you are considering it, DO IT. That was the moment I went to heaven. I cried and stared at my beautiful creation. Every moment of pregnancy and labor was worth it in that moment. He was so peaceful and little and squishy and perfect. They gave me a minute and then took him to check his APGAR score. Rhett was next to me holding my shoulder and I said, “I am fine! Go take pictures!”
The doctor then asked me if I wanted to see my placenta….what the!? I objected. I watched from my bed as they tested my little baby and I was so anxious to hold him! I began shaking uncontrollably and I told the doctor I can’t stop shaking. He said it was normal and that my body was relaxing. Then the nurse brought me a warm blanket and my warm baby. We snuggled and stared at him while I got cleaned up. The most amazing moment in my life so far.
I had never felt so proud of myself. It is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. Several people asked me if I will go Au Natural next time, and I think I will. It was hard of course. It was horrible, but I got a sweet baby in the end, and I could walk to the bathroom right after! Woot! It made me feel so powerful. I felt God’s power and love like I never have before. I did what I was created to do. I feel super human now. I have continued to feel God’s power and love each and every day I get with this baby. I often times find myself just staring at him while he sleeps because I can’t get enough. My heart explodes when I see him smile, hear him coo, or when he looks me right in the eyes. I have said so many prayers of gratitude in the middle of the night as I hold my precious baby, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude.
Becoming a mother is hands down the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I feel love like I never have before. I appreciate my parents more. I love my spouse more. My life feels more fulfilling and complete. My faith has increased. I know God loves his children—I understand his love a little more now. I understand his plan in a way I couldn’t otherwise comprehend. I feel beyond blessed to have sweet baby James—that God trusts me enough to give me this blessing. I love you James. You are perfect.
May 25th we were at my grandma’s house for Sunday dinner. It also happened to be my grandpa’s birthday so we were celebrating that too. Not too long after we sang and had cake, around 8:30 PM, we were sitting around the table when I felt a gush down where the sun don’t shine. I became super embarrassed because I wondered if I peed my pants—that had happened one too many times in my late pregnancy. Rhett looks at me and asked if I was hot because my face was so red. I said, “Nope I am fine” and got up and directed to him to follow me. I went to the bathroom while Rhett waited outside the door and he said are you still peeing? I said, “no…I don’t think so…I think my water broke!” He said, “Are you sure?” To which I replied, “I can’t make it stop!” At that point we decided we better go to the hospital. Luckily we were at Grandma Tami’s and so I borrowed one of Tarese’s heavy-duty diapers! That was possibly the most exciting part of the night.
Before we went to the hospital we were about 98% sure my water had broke so we decided to go home and pack up. Rhett was in a serious panic running around the house like a headless chicken. I was stoked and calm. I showered and carefully gathered everything I thought I might want at the hospital. Rhett kept trying to rush me…he was a little excited I think. I told him we have 24 hours for this baby to come I am going to get pretty!
On our way to the hospital, Rhett realized that he needed to drop off his work phone. We met one of his coworkers in a hotel parking lot off the freeway. While Rhett was outside the car I realized the diaper I had on was not going to hold….I was seriously shocked at how much water was in there! I scream to Rhett, “I am going to leak on the seats!” He comes running back and finds a towel in the trunk. I shoved it between my legs and we got on our way to Riverton.
On the drive to the hospital Rhett and I kept talking about how this was going to be the last time we would have alone for the rest of eternity. I was so excited, but starting to feel a little anxious about becoming a mom and leaving young married life behind. When we got to the hospital we laughed as I waddled with the towel between my legs. I think it is funny that you still have to get tested for your water breaking even if you have a towel between your legs.
They put me in a triage room and told me to put on a gown and they would come test my water in a few minutes. I tried my hardest not to make a mess of everything, but it was hopeless. I laid on the table and when the nurse came to check I gushed all over her. I apologized and she said, “honey this is not the worst thing I have had on my hands.” Gross. So believe it or not we got admitted around 11:00 PM. They hooked me up to monitors and IVs and the party began! I got to see my contractions on the screen and I was feeling like a champ because I couldn’t feel them. About an hour passed and I started to feel crampy, but nothing worse than a period. The nurse checked me and said I was at a 4. I was like woohoo I am getting an epidural at 5…labor like this will be a piece of cake! Rhett and I watched Easy A and drank slushies and I was pretty excited for the baby to come. I thought this is going to be a party!
Then came the news. The nurse comes in with a very serious look and says, “do you know you have low platelets?” My doctor had told me I had low platelets at one of my appointments several weeks before, and she said that they would test again before the baby came….well they never tested again so I forgot all about it. The nurse explained that if my platelets were below 80 I could not get an epidural and I was currently at 79. She said she would have the anesthesiologist come talk to us to get his opinion. I was not prepared for any other delivery method. I asked the nurse what the alternative to an epidural was and she said nothing. The drugs they had been giving me would have to be cut off because they make the baby “sleepy”. I started to feel a little panicked. I still had hope though that it would all go according to plan. The anesthesiologist came in and explained that if my platelets were too low I would not clot and could have internal bleeding on my spine. A hematoma on the spine could cause me to be permanently paralyzed. He explained his cut off was strict and he would not give me an epidural in my current condition. He said they would test again when I felt I wanted an epidural and see if there was a change, though a change was not likely. I began to feel a lot of pain. I decided to get tested again. Just my luck my platelets had gone down to 77. I was not going to get an epidural. It was around 3 AM at this point and I was at a 6. Let me tell you 6 does not feel good. The contractions were still a few minutes apart so I had some relief. I called my mom and cried and cried. I told her and Rhett that I couldn’t do it, I was scared…petrified really.
During my meltdown I realized there was nothing I could do. I would have to deliver the hard way. I bucked up, told myself I could do it, and put on a brave face. My nurse Betsy was amazing. She gave me a little pep talk about my body and how it knew what to do even if I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared. She told me I could do it. I said about 100 prayers at this point that it would be quick, that I could have courage and faith in myself. Rhett frantically read a little pamphlet about natural birthing coping mechanisms. We tried a ball, we tried walking, massages. Everything still felt like crap. It’s impossible to cope with birthing pains let me tell you. This is when it began to be really hard. I started throwing up from the pain. It was ugly.
The next few hours were the longest of my life. I tried to remain calm, take deep breaths through the contractions…and I was terrified for what was next. Labor pain is exponential. A 7 feels 10 times worse than a 6. An 8 feels 100 times worse than that and so on. I was at a 7 around 5 AM and I closed my eyes and gripped the bed and prayed a 10 would come soon. All of the sudden, I felt the urge to pee like I had never before in my life. I ran to the bathroom and tried my hardest to pee with no success. I began to cry because the urge was so strong and so painful and I could not relieve it. I told Rhett to call the nurse. She came in and checked me and I was at an 8, oh and lucky me the baby was on my bladder…which is what caused the insane pee urge. She said it would not go away until I delivered. The next two hours were excruciating. The contractions were so intense that my body would convulse when they came. I had to scream at myself not to push. The urge to push was like nothing I have ever felt. Rhett began to apply counter pressure, which seemed to help a little. He helped me remember to take deep breaths and relax. I kept asking him to call the nurse to check me because I wanted to push so bad. She came and said I was at an 8.5….I wanted to die. In 30 minutes I had barely progressed. The contractions were about 30 seconds to a minute apart at this point. It’s totally insane, I will not try to say it isn’t. She left and I kept yelling to myself don’t push, don’t push! For those of you who don’t know, if you push before you are fully dilated you risk the baby getting stuck, losing oxygen and having to get a C-section. I was not going to get a C-section so I resisted as best I could. Around 6:30 I was having contractions so strong that my body was pushing without me being able to control it. I begged Rhett for the millionth time to get the nurse. This time he agreed instead of saying, “just a little longer honey.” She came and quickly checked me in the 30 seconds I wasn’t having a contraction. She then said the most blessed words, “you are complete. I will get the doctor. Prepare to push!” I felt so much relief knowing that I could finally push.
Because it was the weekend, I had the doctor on call rather than my doctor. I honestly did not care at that point if a dog caught the baby. I just wanted him out. I wanted to push. They broke the bed and Rhett and Betsy pushed my legs to my face…so glorious. Betsy said hold your breath and push when you feel a contraction….which is funny because I couldn't tell when I wasn’t having a contraction. I said, “I don’t know when” and she said, “if you feel like you want to push, push!” So I just pushed and pushed…holy cow it is exhausting, but it felt surprisingly amazing. For the first time in hours I felt relief. Rhett says I screamed the baby out. It was just like the movies. I screamed loud. The doctor was so sweet, he explained everything that was happening and would talk in such a gentle soothing voice. It was kinda funny how peaceful he was among all the commotion. After 20 minutes of pushing, baby finally made his appearance. 6:59 AM on May 26th, I became a mommy.
The first moment I saw him was not at all like I imagined. I didn’t feel like it was as if the heavens had opened and poured insane amounts of love over me for this new thing. I mostly felt super shocked. It was very exciting and happy obviously, but also very surreal. I kept saying over and over “Rhett that’s our baby! He’s my baby” Lots of oh my goshes as well. I was too excited to cry I just wanted to hold him. The doctor asked Rhett if he wanted to cut the cord and Rhett quickly said no. The doctor sniped him, wiped the crap out of him and then the nurse pulled open my gown and dropped him on me for “skin to skin”. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this, because it seemed weird and gross to me. Let me tell you though if you are considering it, DO IT. That was the moment I went to heaven. I cried and stared at my beautiful creation. Every moment of pregnancy and labor was worth it in that moment. He was so peaceful and little and squishy and perfect. They gave me a minute and then took him to check his APGAR score. Rhett was next to me holding my shoulder and I said, “I am fine! Go take pictures!”
The doctor then asked me if I wanted to see my placenta….what the!? I objected. I watched from my bed as they tested my little baby and I was so anxious to hold him! I began shaking uncontrollably and I told the doctor I can’t stop shaking. He said it was normal and that my body was relaxing. Then the nurse brought me a warm blanket and my warm baby. We snuggled and stared at him while I got cleaned up. The most amazing moment in my life so far.
I had never felt so proud of myself. It is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. Several people asked me if I will go Au Natural next time, and I think I will. It was hard of course. It was horrible, but I got a sweet baby in the end, and I could walk to the bathroom right after! Woot! It made me feel so powerful. I felt God’s power and love like I never have before. I did what I was created to do. I feel super human now. I have continued to feel God’s power and love each and every day I get with this baby. I often times find myself just staring at him while he sleeps because I can’t get enough. My heart explodes when I see him smile, hear him coo, or when he looks me right in the eyes. I have said so many prayers of gratitude in the middle of the night as I hold my precious baby, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude.
Becoming a mother is hands down the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I feel love like I never have before. I appreciate my parents more. I love my spouse more. My life feels more fulfilling and complete. My faith has increased. I know God loves his children—I understand his love a little more now. I understand his plan in a way I couldn’t otherwise comprehend. I feel beyond blessed to have sweet baby James—that God trusts me enough to give me this blessing. I love you James. You are perfect.
