let's see how far we've come

I am finally done with nanny hell. Pardon my language but those are the only words to describe it.  Hour after hour, day after day I spent in a seriously strange home. But I don't want to focus on the negative. This experience has taught me so much, and helped me to realize some things I already knew. First things first, before all the boring lessons, it's time for one last Pat Says!

--"The character traits of a puppy are play hard, and sleep hard."

--"Hey you know Nute Gunray from Star Wars? I think Nute is short for nudist." This nearly gave Gavin a heart attack. The kid doesn't believe in humor or sarcasm. Pat goes on to say, "You know, unless we get dog clothes for Bailey, she's a nudist." Gavin tries to explain that dogs don't need clothes because they have fur. I swear Pat should be a lawyer because his response was, "well men have fur and they wear clothes." He's got you there Gavin!

--"Do you want me to tell you some basic physics about spin firing?"

--We found Bailey the dog laying in his mom's closet and then he starts looking around. I ask him what he's looking for and he says, "I gave mom a beautiful cheetah print opened toe thing." I say oh shoes?! I love shoes and he says, "ya they're amazing. I'll find them." He starts opening boxes and he can't find them. But it's ok because, "Oh perfect! I found the purse he got for her." I say oh that's cute. He says, "I know, it's gold inside." I say that is amazing, I want one! He says, "The best part is it was 19.99!"

--The soap has bumps for "gription"

--Pat was telling me about his new gun. All the features and what not. He says, "It's pretty attractive."

--While helping me cook his hotdog for lunch he says, "you know if I jump really high on land and land on the hard ground, I fart every time. The gas just shoots out!"

--At the beginning of summer I was reading a book called Girls in White Dresses. At that time Pat asked me what it was about. A couple of days ago he says, "so how's Girls in White Dresses?" I told him how it ended and he says, "I thought that's how it might end."

Why Pat, why couldn't you have been an only child?!

I can't really put into words how many things I have learned from being an observer in this family. If I am being totally honest though these people are far from a family, and it breaks my heart. I came home many nights crying for those boys. Crying for a mom who was searching to be fulfilled at an office while her children struggled. I cried for a weak marriage. I cry for those boys and all the contention that exists within their home. There is so much sadness that exists in that home which has only made me more grateful for these things:

 First I am so grateful for the HOME that I grew up in. For siblings that didn't manipulate me. For laughter and no competition. For parents who greet each other with a hug and kiss. For sugar, and cookies! For no excess of crap. For family dinner. For no sticker charts. For JOKES! For family prayer. For a mom who made me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For parents who asked me about my day, my dreams, my thoughts. For a mother who was mommy. For a father who was daddy. For wrestling. For homemade play-doh. For believing that Koolaid was delicious and not "too sugary". For TV! For minimal yelling. For all the love that a child deserves. I am grateful my home.

I am grateful for my parents. As I get older I thank Heavenly Father more and more for them. I could not have asked for a better couple. I am grateful for all the love they give me. For being there for me. For disciplining me. For teaching me respect and love. For teaching me about Christ. For teaching me I am a daughter of God. I wish every child knew that. For doing the dirty work without yelling. For following through. For going to the temple as a couple enough times that I know I must do it with Rhett. For praying together. For helping me get to all the places I've come to. I love you both more than I can describe.

I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for his patience and his love. I do NOT deserve such a perfect and beautiful spirit. I do not know how I tricked him into marrying me, but I thank Heavenly Father every day that he blessed me with Rhett. Being married to him through this experience has made me so excited for the life we are going to share. For the children he will help me raise. For the love that they will know he has for them. For the love that he gives, and will continually give to me. I am grateful for his spiritual strength and example, and for sharing it with me in hard times. I am grateful he is forgiving of my weaknesses.

I am most grateful for my knowledge of Christ. I am so grateful for my knowledge of this Gospel. I know now that the Gospel truly changes lives. I know that the gospel brings happiness. I know that the Gospel brings love into homes, marriages and families. I could feel that missing so much in this home. It made me so sad. I would come home feeling worthless, angry and irritated most every day. I wondered why this experience had to be so challenging. I wondered why I had to take care of such a terrible child. What could he benefit from a babysitter he hated? What could I benefit from a child that I hated? Well when I changed my attitude so did his. I am so glad that I know through the Atonement that these boys are loved, and I learned to love them. I am grateful that I can somehow, after the literal bruises and headaches and heartache that I can look at those boys and say that I love them.

I have learned about myself in more ways than I can describe. I have learned things that I need to work on. I am easily irritated and probably over emotional. I let people effect how I feel about myself. I learned though that it's because I love people a lot more than I thought. I know that is only because of the love I have been shown by my family, my friends, my husband, and especially Christ.

The biggest thing I have learned is about rising above your burdens. Sometimes things in life really suck and you can't change them no matter how hard you try. Sometimes people make your life suck. Sometimes where you live is hotter than hades....But back to burdens. Sometimes there are things you can't control. I've always known that, but I have pretty much always felt in control of my life. This summer was the first time where I really kinda felt out of control. I let my circumstances control who I was. I hope that none of us ever let that happen. If something in your life totally sucks and makes you want to shoot someone every five seconds--get it the h out! You don't need to feel less than you are. You don't need to feel like you have to wade through disappointment and sadness. Get out, get over it and move on. Now obviously there are things you can't control and sometimes you can't get out. But I know now you can rise above. How? Get close to the Lord. He will pull you up.

I am so blessed. I am so happy and SO excited to bring my Pinterest dreams to life in our new apartment back in Provo. But for the time being I have a butt-ton of packing to do and not to mention cleaning.....as well as a party every day with my fam bam here tonight!!!!! But first it's lunch time :)